Relationships
R U Really Ready?
Sometimes it seems as if everyone is having sex all the time. People are talking about it, so they must be doing it, right? Not really.
Most young people aren’t having sex, even if you think they are. Despite all the boasting that goes on, the average age people first have sex in the UK is 16, with many waiting until they’re much older.
Although there's a legal age of consent (16 in the UK whether you’re straight, gay or bisexual), it’s not necessarily the right age for you to start having sex and there are no rules about how long you have to be going out with someone before you do it. Being ready happens at different times for everyone and deciding whether or not to have sex should always be your choice.
It's your decision
Working out whether you're ready is one of life’s big decisions. You're the only one who can, and should, decide, whoever you’re with. Even if you’ve had sex before, even with the same person, it doesn’t mean you have to do it again.
Whether you're thinking about having sex for the first time or having sex again, remember...
Fast Fact: The MAJORITY of young people DON’T have sex before they’re 16!
Talk about it
It’s better to start talking about sex with your partner first than to end up having sex because they thought you were ready and that you wanted to, especially if they weren't ready and felt pressured themselves. There are lots of things to think about and talk about, like if you’re doing it for the right reasons (not because you feel pressured) and sorting out contraception if you do decide the time is right.
Whether you feel ready or not, sex is only one aspect of a relationship. There are loads of other ways of enjoying each other’s company. Talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend about what you both like, you can do other things together like talking, meeting each other’s family and friends, going to gigs or the cinema, sports activities and listening to music.
We asked young people in Stockton-on-Tees for some ways to 'show someone you love them without having sex', here are a just a few of their ideas...
- Cook a special meal
- Say it with a kiss
- Write a poem
- Send a special text/MSN
Remember...
It’s your choice when to have sex and it’s an important decision so you don’t have to do it before you’re ready. You can get free, confidential information and advice on sexual health and relationships including free condoms even if you’re under 16.
To find your nearest service, select your local area at the top of this page or text ‘Stockton’ to 07766 363 390 for a list of services open today.
Questions to ask yourself if you’re thinking about having sex:
- Does it feel right?
- Do I love my partner?
- Does he/she love me just as much?
- Have we talked about using condoms to help protect against STIs, and was the talk OK?
- Have we got contraception organised to protect against pregnancy?
- Do I feel able to say ‘no’ at any point if I change my mind, and will we both be OK with that?
If you answer yes to all these questions, the time could be right, but that still doesn’t mean you have to have sex.
If you answer yes to any of the questions below, it’s probably not the right time:
- Do I feel under pressure from anyone, such as my partner or friends?
- Could I have any regrets afterwards?
- Am I thinking about having sex just to impress my friends or keep up with them?
- Am I thinking about having sex to keep my partner?
Remember
It’s hard to stay in control if you’re drinking alcohol or have taken drugs. You should never feel under any pressure to have sex, whether it’s from your partner or your friends.
Deciding to have sex is a big decision and you need to feel ready.